the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
someone owes me an orgasm
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
