i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
