you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
