What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
