Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
