cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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