It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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