this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
