i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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