so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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