Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
