Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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