So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
