This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
