Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
