bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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