It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
