You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
