I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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