Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
