omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
