Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
