I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
