Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We need a shit load of segways right now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
