I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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