well I can't set my house on fire every night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
