But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
