he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
