dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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