If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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