I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
