I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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