Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
