Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
