I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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