Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
