I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
