the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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