You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
