Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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