she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
