Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
