once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
