i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
