My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
