I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
