so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
two words: eviction party
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
