I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
