I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
