he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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