Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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