This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
