I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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