Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
