Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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